Monday, June 13, 2011

Sayin' not prayin'

I've been going through a spiritual drought lately. My routine hasn't changed but my attitude sure has. Instead of being filled to overflowing, I've been feeling a bit crispy.

I'm not sure if it's the heat, my family's summer schedule (or lack thereof), my husband's time consuming projects or my own insecurities making me more 'me centered', but that's where I've been.

I've felt very judgmental, been easily offended, and refrained from reaching out to people I have felt hurt by. (Lord, this confession is killing me!) Have you ever been there?

Each morning I come into my office and have some prayer time before I start my day. But honestly, I haven't been feeling it lately. Of course I'm still thankful for everything God has blessed me with and I still lift up my loved ones in prayer, but I haven't felt an emotional response.

Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that a person's relationship with God should be about 'warm fuzzies'. But genuine prayer seems to come from a deeper place in our spirit. Just saying “God, I need Your help...” is so different than when your heart cries “God, I need Your help...” That's part of my problem – I've been sayin' it but not prayin' it!

I came before the Lord the other morning and said “Lord, I want to not take things so personally. Please remind me that there are things going on in that person's life that have nothing to do with me. Their actions have nothing to do with me!”

The moment I said it, something stirred in my heart. As if a dam broke, emotions came flooding out as tears. Every hurt feeling, moment of anger and ounce of bitterness rushed down my face as I sobbed. Praise You God for hearing me!

I had finally broken through my spiritual clog! I had been so busy focusing on the speck of dirt in the eyes of others that I failed to see my own plank was clogging my spirit. It worked it's way in gradually until it had blocked me up completely.

I've talked to so many people who are frustrated with an unproductive prayer life. Just as I described, they spend time in prayer only to walk away feeling like nothing's changed. Ever felt that way? Do you feel that way now? If I may be so bold... maybe you're sayin' not prayin'!

Friend, God's going to change YOU long before He'll change your situation. When I finally realized I was camping in the 'me centered' valley, I had to choose to leave BEFORE God would move me. Now I'm following Him into greener pastures...

Be blessed,
Jennifer

“Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;” Psalm 130:1

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